Difference between a conservative and a liberal???

[Stephen Eisel]

Funny e-mail that I received today... just for chuckles folks!

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't` eat meat. If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy. If a liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a person of color is conservative, they see themselves as independently successful. Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels. Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church. A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed. If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues.

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.

A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".

[sharon kinsella]

If a conservative is gay, he condemns gays.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he says they're communists and wants to bomb them out of existence.

If a person of color is conservative they drank the kool aid. Their liberal counterparts are still struggling up the ladder while the conservatives push it away from the building.

If a conservative is down and out he soundly finds out what it's all really about Alfie.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host they claim they are guilty of moving forth the liberal agenda.

A liberal non-believer is sick of hearing about your mythical being all the time.

If a conservative thinks he's always going to have access to health care, he's deluded and when he needs government health care, he'll take and still yell about all those using entitlement programs.

If a conservative slips in a department store, someone threw oil on the floor when they saw him coming.

When a liberal read this, she shot back.

[Paul Schrimpf]

A moderate reads all of it and remembers why he hates both extremes ...