"Wife-Speak"

[Tim Liston]

I wrote this a few days ago but was not sure if/where to post it. But now that my sense of humor has been questioned, well I might as well live dangerously. I’ve been married for 33 years so I’m pretty familiar with Wife-Speak. Not sure what that is? Let me give you a few example, and their Plain English translations.

“Wife-Speak” ====> “Plain English”

“Do you want to go out for breakfast, honey?” ====> “I want to go out to breakfast and you’re coming with me.”

“We need to do something about that stopped-up drain.” ====> “Fix the drain.”

“I don’t care. Do whatever you think is right.” ====> “Don’t screw this one up like you did last time.”

“The grass is getting pretty tall.” ====> “Cut the grass.”

“Just a minute….” ====> “Go grab a magazine.”

“I am NOT over-reacting.” ====> “I’m having my period.”

“I’ll be ready in ten minutes” ====> “Go find a book.”

“Did you have to say it quite like that?” ====> “You’re such an asshole.”

“We need to go on a vacation.”====> “Plan a vacation.”

“Yes honey.” ====> “Maybe.”

We need new countertops.” ====> “We need a new kitchen.”

Especially you fellas, you should now be better equipped to understand Wife-Speak.

OK maybe I don’t have a sense of humor….

PS Don’t tell you-know-who I posted this….