The Observation Deck

(Calabasas Hills, CA) The Cheesecake Factory (Nasdaq: CAKE), citing the increasing unwillingness of American consumers to spend their hard-earned money on wildly overpriced restaurant dining, has petitioned the Treasury Department for $2.85 billion in bailout funds.

Chairman and CEO David Overton commented “Unwanted lifestyle shopping centers nationwide count on us as their anchor restaurant tenant. If we go, so do scores of insipid shopping centers. We’re simply too big to fail.â€

Their Cheesecake is really, really good.

I have a friend that works there, I would hate for him to lose his job.

Now it is getting a bit ridiculous. They should fail.

Jim DeVito wrote:Now it is getting a bit ridiculous. They should fail.

agreed... but I need to get one more slice of the tuxedo cheescake before they close...

2.85 billion dollars worth of cheesecake.....

.....Starbucks is next in line

what is a lifestyle shopping center...

.....I enjoy the lite rock music at Starbucks

Burger King also has good soft rock music....

ryan costa wrote:what is a lifestyle shopping center...

Well if we were to believe some of the powers to be,
it is a crappy strip mall with $185,000 crappy condos
and no garages.

"The visionaries of Lakewood."


.

This just in....

Cheesecake Factory to Reorganize as a Bank Holding Company

(Calabasas Hills, CA) The Cheesecake Factory (Nasdaq: CAKE), saddled with millions of cheesecakes that have received few bids in the open market, is in the process of converting itself into a bank holding company, so that it can gain access to TARP bailout funds. This follows the lead of other non-bank entities who have recently converted, including American Express and GE.

Chairman and CEO David Overton said of the pending conversion “When we obtain our holding company status, we'll be able to borrow billions in Treasury securities using cheesecake as collateral. This will make it possible to continue serving hamburgers the size of small planets and help us provide mediocre service in struggling malls nationwide. TARP funds have become vital for our survival since nobody in their right mind eats here anymore.â€

In a related story, congress has just passed the Cheesecake Relief Assistance Program or CRAP act. Under the new CRAP act, cheesecakes will be purchased from the Cheesecake Factory by the government at ten times the normal selling price and be re-distributed to CEOs across America via the governments newly purchased private jets authorized under the CRAP act. The CEO of the Cheesecake Factory hopes this will stave off bankruptcy and provide additional jobs in their factory. Currently, union factory workers make $55.78 per hour ($135.69 with benefits) for pouring a variety of pre-made cheesecake mixes into a pre-made crust and then shoving them into an oven the size of a three-car garage. The pre-made mixes and crusts are flown in from China on private jets every hour to conserve freshness.

Tim--- Get back to work. Break's over.

Dang I just spit my soda out all over my laptop!!!!