Many long term Lakewoodites will remember the Lakewood Board Game, if not, stop by a meeting and we can play a round or two. But where that was a take on the monopoly game in which the person who wins the most money wins, today FitzGerald/Summer'sLakewood City Hall is more like the Mad Magazine Game. Do everything you can to go broke. Force out large employers for selfish plans. Then push a couple more out for some more magic beans, anything to keep people from noticing how bad you are failing. Where does one get money for the illusion of success? Steal it from public assets, channel it to friends who are in on the disappearing trick. Then when you've failed getting enough there, privatize everything, shifting the burden of business and the much talked about "DowntowN" onto the residents. That's it, let the residents fund commercial enterprise. In every other city, it is business that helps residents, but here, where public officials are rewarded for lying that would be crazy, no not crazy, but MAD! So let's take a look at the Mad Board Game, just for the fun of it.
From wikipedia
In 1979, Mad released a board game. The Mad Magazine Game was an absurdist version of Monopoly in which the first player to lose all his money and go bankrupt was the winner. Profusely illustrated with artwork by the magazine's contributors, the game included a $1,329,063-bill that could not be won unless one's name was "Alfred E. Neuman". It also featured a deck of cards (called "Card cards") with bizarre instructions, such as "If you can jump up and stay airborne for 37 seconds, you can lose $5,000. If not, jump up and lose $500."
From Board Games
The rules
To begin the game, after placing all tokens on Start and determining the first player, one player is selected to be the Banker ("preferably someone honest"), who gives $10,000 to each person to begin the game. The dice may only be rolled with the left hand, with a penalty of each other player giving that player $500 if dice are rolled with the right hand. Also, tokens move counterclockwise around the outside track. If moving clockwise, the player is informed that he or she is a nerd person, and may never play the game again.
Some of the bizarre directions given in cards or spaces are specifically defined, such as the two "inside tracks" of the game board can only be entered by landing on the "double arrow space" leading into them, which also award an additional turn; once on an inside track, only one die may be rolled; players not being allowed to take their money with them when directed to change chairs with another player; and when changing chairs, the person who ends up in the Banker's chair becomes the Banker.
In all other cases, if any ambiguous directions are in dispute, majority rule may be used to conclusively determine the action to be taken. The rules further state that a majority typically refers to anything over 50%, but in order to determine what constitutes a majority, it may also be defined by majority rule.
With this administration's current always-hatched-in secret before finally coming to light, will Lakewood be featured on yet another magazine cover?
satire based on the "Vandals Sacking Of Rome"
No, sadly a majority of elected officials believe the residents can't be trusted with the truth. Far better to fight every public record request and slow information coming out to a crawl, while you continue to plot. Should any member of the community dare question you, you unleash your thugs on them. The same way every fascist regime did in the early days. Hide plants around the city. Stifle free conversation-- make it "uncool." If someone speaks out, shout them down, call it "negative," "crazy talk," marginalize and tear apart. If that doesn't work, send your enforcers in the night to visit, hassle, intimidate and cover up.
"A bunch of silliness." No, unfortunately it is much more serious that that.
.
