Cheesecake Factory Applies for TARP Relief....

Tim Liston · Post by **Tim Liston** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 6:37 pm

(Calabasas Hills, CA) The Cheesecake Factory (Nasdaq: CAKE), citing the increasing unwillingness of American consumers to spend their hard-earned money on wildly overpriced restaurant dining, has petitioned the Treasury Department for $2.85 billion in bailout funds.

Chairman and CEO David Overton commented â€œUnwanted lifestyle shopping centers nationwide count on us as their anchor restaurant tenant. If we go, so do scores of insipid shopping centers. Weâ€™re simply too big to fail.â€

sharon kinsella · Post by **sharon kinsella** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 7:25 pm

Their Cheesecake is really, really good.

Danielle Masters · Post by **Danielle Masters** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 8:29 pm

I have a friend that works there, I would hate for him to lose his job.

Jim DeVito · Post by **Jim DeVito** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 10:12 pm

Now it is getting a bit ridiculous. They should fail.

Stephen Eisel · Post by **Stephen Eisel** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 10:16 pm

Jim DeVito wrote:Now it is getting a bit ridiculous. They should fail.

agreed... but I need to get one more slice of the tuxedo cheescake before they close...

ryan costa · Post by **ryan costa** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 10:23 pm

2.85 billion dollars worth of cheesecake.....

.....Starbucks is next in line

what is a lifestyle shopping center...

.....I enjoy the lite rock music at Starbucks

Burger King also has good soft rock music....

Jim O'Bryan · Post by **Jim O'Bryan** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 10:41 pm

ryan costa wrote:what is a lifestyle shopping center...

Well if we were to believe some of the powers to be,
it is a crappy strip mall with $185,000 crappy condos
and no garages.

"The visionaries of Lakewood." :roll:

.

Tim Liston · Post by **Tim Liston** » Thu Nov 20, 2008 9:01 am

This just in....

Cheesecake Factory to Reorganize as a Bank Holding Company

(Calabasas Hills, CA) The Cheesecake Factory (Nasdaq: CAKE), saddled with millions of cheesecakes that have received few bids in the open market, is in the process of converting itself into a bank holding company, so that it can gain access to TARP bailout funds. This follows the lead of other non-bank entities who have recently converted, including American Express and GE.

Chairman and CEO David Overton said of the pending conversion â€œWhen we obtain our holding company status, we'll be able to borrow billions in Treasury securities using cheesecake as collateral. This will make it possible to continue serving hamburgers the size of small planets and help us provide mediocre service in struggling malls nationwide. TARP funds have become vital for our survival since nobody in their right mind eats here anymore.â€

Charlie Page · Post by **Charlie Page** » Thu Nov 20, 2008 9:40 am

In a related story, congress has just passed the Cheesecake Relief Assistance Program or CRAP act. Under the new CRAP act, cheesecakes will be purchased from the Cheesecake Factory by the government at ten times the normal selling price and be re-distributed to CEOs across America via the governments newly purchased private jets authorized under the CRAP act. The CEO of the Cheesecake Factory hopes this will stave off bankruptcy and provide additional jobs in their factory. Currently, union factory workers make $55.78 per hour ($135.69 with benefits) for pouring a variety of pre-made cheesecake mixes into a pre-made crust and then shoving them into an oven the size of a three-car garage. The pre-made mixes and crusts are flown in from China on private jets every hour to conserve freshness.

Stan Austin · Post by **Stan Austin** » Thu Nov 20, 2008 10:18 am

Tim--- Get back to work. Break's over.

Missy Limkemann · Post by **Missy Limkemann** » Thu Nov 20, 2008 11:05 am

Dang I just spit my soda out all over my laptop!!!!

Cheesecake Factory Applies for TARP Relief....

Cheesecake Factory Applies for TARP Relief....

on the line

Re: on the line